GayCamz: It’s Small and Funny
A man goes to see the optometrist. The doctor tells him, "I need you to
stop masturbating." The man asks, "Why? It doesn't make you go blind."
The doctor replies, "I know, but it's disturbing to the other
Whether you calling it choking the chicken, bopping the baloney or just
having a good old fashioned wank there is a lot of good things to be
said about the fine art of self pleasure. As Woody Allen once said:
Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone you love.
Masturbation is the original sex. Evidence of it can be found throughout
every culture and throughout all of time. We have come a long way in the
self-love aids that are available to us now as opposed to when I was a
kid. For instance, when I was a kid we had to learn to jerk off with
either some Crisco or a jar of Vaseline and no computer. The kids of
today have it much better than I did. Nowadays kids can just pull up a
website apply $40.00 per pint lube to their crank and go to town.
I remember when I was a kid four friends of mine and I got together and
we thought it would be fun to have a whack off contest. So we all got
together in back of the shed (didn’t everyone have a shed back then?)
and started slapping the salami. I had no idea what tough competition
there was going to be. One friend Nick “came” in first. I came in second
but it was big Tony we had to watch out for, he came in third, fifth and
ninth. Big Tony was the Pee Wee Herman of our day. He used to Jack off
anywhere. In the tree house, in the woods, even in the bathroom at
school. One day our history teacher came into the classroom and asked
‘Do you know what man was shot in a theatre?’ Someone in the back yelled
out ‘Whoever was sitting in front of Big Tony last night!’ Big Tony got
caught by his mom once while he was having a vigorous workout in the
dressing room of a ladies dress shop and the school allowed her to send
him to school the next day with a sign around his neck that said:
I play with myself in public.
He became the most popular boy in school.
If you’re feeling the need for a little self-gratification right about
now, shoot on over to GayCamz aka PrivateCamz/gay. This is a relatively
small site with about 33 registered male performers. You log on and are
presented with the thumbnails of the guys which tell you where they are
from and how many video clips they have on file. You also get some very
small pictures of your chosen guy, including some dick shots. There is
one really cool feature: along with the bios some of the guys have a
recorded video message. There were also some guys who couldn’t figure
out how to work the camera to record their message. This was pretty
funny. But I guess we need to cut ‘em some slack, as these are mostly
amateur guys, which are a big turn on for a lot of dudes. Some of the
guys are hot, some not, and some just kinda strange.
Okay that was all the slack cutting they get.
In one dude’s bio clip he said ‘I’m sitting here with a hanky. Come on
in and find out what’s under the hanky. First of all, he didn’t tell us
where the hanky was, so I’m not real sure I want to look under it.
Then there’s this one guy and all he did was turn his back toward the
camera and gave himself a wedgie. I laughed so hard I almost pissed
myself. What the hell was that? Can you imagine him in bed? ‘Come on
baby… give me a wedgie… yeah oooh yeah… now tape a sign to my back that
says KICK ME… ummm you stud’.
Another good bio clip is the guy who’s whacking off to the weather
channel. Picture it: ‘It’s gonna be …unh… 87 degrees tomorrow… unh-unh …
and sunny… Oh God I think I’m gonna blow…
I tried for two days to find some guys that were actually online for a
private session with no luck. Maybe all the guys work nights? But as I
mentioned, they all had several private show clips that you could watch
at the drop of a dime. You buy 420 chips for $30.00. Each clip runs
between 2.5 – 8 minutes long and each show costs 69 chips per clip.
Well I gotta go now, I think I’ll pop open a beer, pull my underwear up
the crack of my ass and watch the weather channel.
Have a hard night!
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